Affiliate Link

Site Navigation

Wednesday, October 23, 2019


Day 5: Haunted

Hello. I had hoped to do some crafting to share with you for today, but I'm afraid all I have is a coloring.  And a sad story to share.  It's been a rough week.  Our Syrian hamster, Dark Matter, hadn't seemed well lately and appeared to be getting worse.  I took him to the vet for a check-up yesterday.  We were devastated to discover that he had a tumor in his stomach.  We made the difficult decision to say goodbye to him today.  Let me tell you when I said "yes" to my son's pet store request on a whim 8 months ago, I had no idea I would fall head over heels for a rodent.  But I did.  And today my heart broke.  

He was such a sweet little hammy. So full of personality.  I would let him run around my son's room every night and he'd scamper over and around me.  He was a climber. - the comforter, clothes, the curtains.  He would succeed on occasion and then climb into my hands to get down again.  And I wasn't even mad when he climbed into the bookcase and I found he'd chewed my childhood books.  I KNEW he was too quiet that day!  Most days he ate better than we did!  He was so so loved and will be missed immensely.  For one so small, he made a big impact and has left a big emptiness.  My son has taken it hard as well.  He's only 10 and DM was his and a source of comfort in his room.  It's so hard to watch your child experience the death of a beloved pet.

I guess I'm sharing because it's therapeutic for me to write.  It's my favorite season and only a handful of days from my favorite holiday.  I would normally be giddy with excitement, but today I'm just - haunted.  The vet said it was nothing we did or didn't do and we couldn't have known or prevented it.  Still, I can't help feeling guilty, wishing we'd made more of the time we had with him.  Just wishing we'd had more time.

Here are some photos of Dark Matter (aka DM) and where we buried him at my parents' house.  I'm also sharing the image I colored the other night when I was sick with worry over him and could't sleep.  She's called Wraith Mae from Some Odd Girl.  If there is somewhere we go after death, I hope he's happy there.  And if not, I hope at least he wasn't in pain at the end and that sweet nothingness brought him peace.  Either way I hope his little hamster brain somehow knew how very very much we loved him.  People will say "It's just a hamster" but our pets are family and grief is grief.  It's real and it is not diminished or less real or important because it was an animal that left us.  We love you, DM!  

Thanks for reading and I hope to be back with more creative posts soon.


No comments: